The only thing worse than playing with one of these guys is…..BEING one of these guys

1. Unsolicited Swing Advice Guy

Defining characteristics:  Knows exactly how to fix your swing even though you didn’t ask. Employs a vast array of swing jargon that only confuses you further.

Favorite expression: “Wait, try this!”

2. The Human Rain Delay

Defining characteristics: Thinks he is honoring spirit of the game by never picking up. Not in the spirit of the game: dragging his foursome through a three-and-a-half hour front nine.

Favorite expression: “Put me down for a 10.”

3. Cell Phone Guy

Defining characteristics:  Considers golf course an extension of his office, home, therapist’s couch, etc. Has perfected the balancing-phone-on-the shoulder wedge shot.

Favorite expression:  “You guys hit. I gotta take this.”

4. The Cart Girl Schmoozer

Defining characteristics:  Convinced he’s got a shot with the cart girl. Would be crushed to learn she offered the same flirty laugh and bag of nuts to foursome of geeks up ahead.

Favorite expression:  “We’ll take four beers and one more smile, darlin’.”

5. The Parking Lot Pro

Defining characteristics:  Color-coordinated outfit, matching logos and oversized tour bag suggest he’s played professionally. Topped drive off the first tee suggests otherwise.

Favorite expression:  “These are the same shoes Tiger wears.”

6. The Air Counter

Defining characteristics:  Can’t remember his score without reliving every shot in detail.

Favorite expression:  “One in the pond, two drop, three back in the pond.  Four I had that funky lie in the bunker and left it in the bunker … ”

7. The Frat Boy

Defining characteristics:  Unable to fathom a round of golf without a steady stream of adult beverages. Idea of restraint is to hold off drinking … until the second hole.

Favorite expression:  “A few beers will loosen up that swing!”

8. Cigar Guy

Defining characteristics:  The easiest golfer to locate on the course thanks to waft of smoke trailing behind him. Oblivious to playing partners struggling for air — and the ash droppings on his belly.

Favorite expression:  “Straight from Havana, baby!”

9. The Sandbagger

Defining characteristics:  The 15 handicap who is somehow playing “much better” than he has in years.  Feigns apology when he drops bunker shot within inches of cup, then kicks sand off his shoes like a tour pro.

Favorite expression:  “I guess it’s just one of those days…”

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