David Feherty is a CBS and Golf Channel announcer who finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind.  Below are some great quotes form this candid guy…..

“Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.”

“That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”

“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife.” Truth hurts

On his decision to give up his playing career in favor of a microphone:
“When CBS came to me and asked me to do on-course commentary, I said, ‘You know, I’m only 37, I still have hopes of [playing] a little better.’ So they told me what they were going to pay me, and I said, ‘You want to buy a set of clubs?”

On giving up alcohol:
“I didn’t quit drinking because I was a bad drunk. I quit because I was a spectacular drunk. It got to be like a video game, where you get to the highest level and it’s not even a challenge.”

On McCord’s recent revelation, at the annual JCC Sports Awards banquet in Vancouver, that Tiger Woods’ caddie Steve Williams and Feherty often try to outdo one another on the course in the area of flatulence, Feherty said:
“Tiger is no slouch himself: He can lay ’em down like a crop duster.”

On Gary Player’s unsubstantiated suggestion last year about use of performance-enhancing drugs in pro golf:
“Gary thinks he invented fitness because he used to do pushups on the airplane. He’s just upset because you can’t win a major any more with a low, flat hook and a Napoleon complex.”

On the 14 years since CBS colleague Gary McCord was banned from the Masters:
“They don’t do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It’s like having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton Head.”

Jim Furyk’s swing – “It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

“He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.”

Describing VJ’s prodigious practice regime – “VJ hits more balls than Elton John’s chin.”

“That’s a great shot with that swing.”  

“It’s OK – the bunker stopped it.”

At Augusta 2011 – “It’s just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it.”

“That was a great shot – if they’d put the pin there today.”

“Everything moves except his bowels.”

“Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.”  

“That green appears smaller than a Pygmie’s nipple”.

On Phil Mickelson:
“Phil is brilliant, but he’s nuts. There’s something not quite right about that boy. Phil is watching a movie that only Phil can see. His mother told me, ‘Phil was so clumsy as a little boy, we had to put a football helmet on him until he was 4 because he kept bumping into things.’ I told her, ‘Mary, Mary, I’m a writer, you can’t keep handing me material like this.’ So the next time I saw Phil I said, ‘You didn’t really wear a football helmet in the house until you were 4, did you?’ He said, ‘It was more like 5.’ ”

On Tiger Woods:
The first time he ever watched Woods play, Feherty examined the lie Tiger had in the trees, where he’d hit the ball into deep rough alongside a large root, and said on-air that the only available play was to wedge out sideways. Tiger promptly hit a towering 200-plus-yard, sweeping slice with a 2-iron that rolled to within 12 feet of the flag. Feherty recalled the moment: “I just stood there watching him walk past and thinking, ‘I don’t know what that is, but I know there weren’t two of them on Noah’s Ark.”