Monthly Archives: March 2011
Golf Truisms
ONLY A TRUE GOLFER WILL UNDERSTAND THESE:
- Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
- Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
- When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
- If you’re afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
- The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
- No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
- The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
- Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
- A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.
- It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt….for a 10. Read the rest of this entry
Ten Best Caddy Responses…..
Number: 10
Golfer: “I think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
Number: 9
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
Number: 8
Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes . . . . you miss the ball much closer now.”
Number: 7
Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”
Number: 6
Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Golf Poem
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.Oh How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I’ve Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex
#9… You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7… Foursomes are encouraged.
#6… You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5… Three times a day is possible.
#4… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3… If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#2… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
Golf And What It All Means…
- Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up.
- You swing left and the ball goes right.
- The lowest score wins and the winner buys the drinks
- Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.
- If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
- Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
- The term ‘mulligan’ is really a contraction of the phrase ‘maul it again.
- A ‘gimme’ can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers ..neither of whom can putt very well.
- An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play; it is always possible to get worse.
- Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
- If your best shots are the practice swing and the ‘gimme putt’, you might wish to reconsider this game.
- Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
- Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work, and both are expensive.
- The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
CHICAGO GOLF CENTRAL 